the way the world ends
by hal.elle
Summary: "You should've known better than to let another hero get close enough to touch your soul." / Nico's life is a running count of how many times his world has ended, and it's okay that he won't get the hero in the end. One-sided Jason/Nico, slight Nico/OC


**AN: Alright. So, I know, I know—this is totally not a new update on _Holy Ground _or that paper I'm supposed to be writing for English. Oh well. **

**I'm not even entirely sure what I was thinking, embarking upon this fic, because none of it is even remotely what I was _planning _on writing. Seriously, I don't even know what the fuck this is. **

**As always, dedicated to the fabulous Taffeh A. Lllama, because she's fucking badass. And also because I love her, and the whole one-sided Jason/Nico, at least, was her idea, if not the plot of the fic.**

**Warnings: Language, mostly, and strong mentions of sex.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine. I _wish _it was mine, because let me tell you something about ships that should be canon but aren't (coughcoughAnnabeth/Percy/NicoandPiper/Leo/Jasoncoughcough). The quote at the beginning and end belongs to T.S. Eliot, and are from his poem, _The Hollowed Men._**

_**Onwards and Enjoy!**_

**~halestorm**

* * *

><p><em>i.<em>

_This is the way the world ends—not with a bang, but a whimper._

You suppose it might be true, but you've experienced the bang as well as the whimper. When _your _world ended. Yours alone, as per usual. But your world has ended before, so you'd know what that's like.

The first time, death is the metaphorical bang that sends you running. The second time, it ends with blond hair and blue eyes. But you don't realize that your world has ended until much later, so you suppose that's the whimper side of things.

* * *

><p><em>i<em>_i. _

Jason doesn't like secrets, and he tells you that a couple of days after he finds out about your crush on Percy.

"I'm sorry," you say, avoiding his eye, "but you can't tell anyone."

"It's not even a secret, Nico," Jason says, sighing. "Not when you don't like him anymore. You _don't _like him anymore, do you?"

You shake your head. "No, of course not." It's not a lie—you got over Percy a long time ago, even if it's still too awkward to be around him.

"Then why does it matter?" Jason asks. "Why's it so important that no one knows?"

"Because!" you snap. "Because I was raised that way, because he has Annabeth, because it's _wrong _and _I'm wrong_!"

Jason's fingers curl around your wrist. "It's not wrong," he hisses, "and _you're _not wrong. Don't you dare say that."

His fingers are a gentle presence on your wrist, just heavy enough to remind you that you aren't alone.

_That's _when you realize that your world has ended, because that's when you realize that a new world has begun, and in the new world, you don't have to be alone.

* * *

><p><em>iii.<em>

Reyna finds out when you're taking the Athena Parthenos back to camp with her. You don't tell her, but you suppose she must be able to tell from the way you talk about him.

"It's okay," Reyna says, during one of the breaks you take to reenergize. "I think we've all been in love with a hero before. Especially one we can't have."

"Jason," you summarize, arching an eyebrow and slumping against Athena's ankle. "Right? You were in love with Jason, too."

Reyna's cheeks color, and she takes a swig from her water bottle, nodding.

"It's okay," you say, and the words sound taste funny on your tongue. "I won't tell anyone."

Reyna studies you, her eyes sharp and bright. "And I won't tell anyone that you're in love with him, too."

* * *

><p><em>iv.<em>

You walk in on Piper pressed against the wall, her hand down Jason's pants as he moans into her neck.

At first, you're too entranced by the look of ecstasy on Jason's face to move, and you realize that you have a _boner_, but you can't take your eyes off of the slow shift of her hands in Jason's pants.

Then you remember that this is _Jason and Piper_, and Jason's the one who's kept your secret for three months now, and Piper's been nothing but nice to you since you met, and you can't watch anymore.

You turn and leave, trying to be quiet, but Piper manages to hear you over the sound of Jason's grunts.

"Nico!" she calls after you, but you keep walking, down the steps of Zeus' cabin, where Jason is staying while he, Reyna, and Chiron work out a peace treaty between the Romans and Greeks.

You were going to Jason to see if he wanted to spar, because you always spar with Jason on the days you wake up from nightmares, but now you can't get the image out of your head of Piper giving Jason a handjob.

Later, when Jason finds you in the Hades cabin, his cheeks are flushed and he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I'm sorry about earlier," he says. "I didn't know you'd be stopping by."

"It's fine," you say, lowering your gaze back to the pages of your book in hopes that you'll stop remembering how he looked as Piper jerked him off. You can't, and you hope that your arousal isn't painfully obvious as you shift your book farther into your lap. "I sparred with Percy instead."

"Really?" Jason asks, and you hear the interest in his voice.

You nod, and Jason walks over to sit at the end of your bed. "How was that?"

You shrug. "I don't know. I was too focused on trying to get the mental image of you and Piper fucking out of my head to pay attention to how awkward it was to be around Percy."

Jason chokes, and you look up at him, a small, satisfied smile curling your lips upwards as you see how embarrassed he is.

"I'm glad you're amused," Jason complains. "Piper laughed so hard about how we probably scarred you that we didn't even finish."

You look down at your book again, feeling yourself blush. "Sorry I interrupted," you mutter.

"It's fine," Jason says easily, stretching his arms above his head just high enough to show off the strip of tan skin between his jeans and the hem of his shirt, and you want to reach out and touch it—_but it's not mine to touch_, you remind yourself.

Jason will never be yours, and you try desperately to be okay with that.

* * *

><p><em>v.<em>

"So…Jason, huh?"

Your cheeks are hot all over, but you nod.

Percy rests his chin in his hand, watching as Jason wraps his arms around Piper to show her how to shoot a bow.

"When?" Percy asks simply, and you think it's ridiculous that Jason was the first to find out about your crush on Percy, and that Percy is the first to find out that you're maybe, sort of, possibly falling in love with Jason.

"On the Argo II," you say. "It was a few days after…" You trail off, because you're not sure that you're ready to admit to the son of Poseidon that you used to have a crush on him—it's hard enough to admit that you're gay. But then you see the encouraging light in Percy's eyes, and you look away as you force out, "It was a few days after I told him that I used to have a crush on you."

Percy takes it in a stride. "Right. So, does Jason know how you feel, or…?"

You shake your head. "I can't tell him. I don't want things to get weird. He's the only one I…he was the first to find out that I'm gay. You're only the second person I've told."

Percy looks touched, but he doesn't comment. Instead, he says, "Just don't get hurt, okay, Nico?"

He kisses your forehead, and your world doesn't end this time—instead, it expands, gets big enough to fit all three of you.

You're not in love with Percy Jackson. But it's nice to have him as a friend, finally.

* * *

><p><em>vi.<em>

Annabeth is the only one who ever says it, maybe six months after he rescues her.

"I always thought he'd end up with you," she admits, shaking her head.

Your cheeks flush. "I'm not gay," you mutter, evening though Percy has probably already told her that you are.

Annabeth arches an eyebrow at you, then shrugs. "It just seemed to make sense, personality-wise."

You watch as Calypso accidentally knocks one of Leo's automatons off of the bench, and he kisses her apologies right out of her mouth. Annabeth is right, as always. If Leo hadn't met Calypso, you might have loved him, too.

Your memory hitches on blond hair and blue eyes, and it's all you can do to forget.

* * *

><p><em>vii.<em>

When Piper finds out, she sets her hands on her hips, narrows her eyes at you, and considers.

You're not sure which is worse—dying from embarrassment because Piper walked in on you jacking off, or Piper killing you because you were moaning her boyfriend's name through your orgasm.

"I don't care," Piper says finally, shrugging one shoulder. She still looks a little pissed, though. "I don't care if you like Jason. That's fine. But he's _mine_, Nico. Just keep that in mind."

You nod, shifting uncomfortably, as you attempt to keep your dick covered by the blankets.

"Did you come in for something?" you ask, unable to meet Piper's eye.

"You're supposed to be teaching the younger kids to spar with Percy," she says, her voice tense. "The lesson started ten minutes ago."

"Shit!" you exclaim, and start to jump up before remembering that Piper is still there and you're half naked.

Piper purses her lips together, looks down at her ratty old sneakers, then looks up at you again, her face softening. "I still like you, Nico. Keep that in mind, too, okay?"

Then she's gone, leaving the heady scent of jasmine in her wake, and you groan into your pillow.

You should've known better than to let another hero get close enough to touch your soul.

* * *

><p><em>viii.<em>

It takes time, but you eventually learn to let go of the things you can't have, and slowly, you stop focusing on blond hair and blue eyes, and start focusing on the emotional and mental healing that you've been due for years.

* * *

><p><em>ix.<em>

When you leave Camp Half-Blood to make your own way in the world, you meet a mortal named Ryan who wears too much eyeliner and plays bass in a rock band and smokes cigarettes even though he swears he's going to quit, and you find out why nothing ever came of crushing on guys like Jason and Percy.

Ryan's not a hero like Jason and Percy are, but he plays a mean game of Guitar Hero, and when he kisses you, your toes curl, and for once, you feel not only accepted, but _wanted_.

* * *

><p><em>x.<em>

Your world ends for a third time on the day that you meet a little girl with big brown eyes and dark hair swept up into a dark, messy ponytail. She skips alongside her mother down the Lunchables section in Walmart, begging her mother to buy the ones that have small packs of Mythomagic cards in them.

For a moment, you can't breathe, but then you remember that this is what she wanted, and that Ryan is right there, holding your hand, asking if you're alright.

The first time your world ended, it was with Bianca's death. The second, it was with the start of a new world that stemmed from your crush on Jason. The third time your world ended, it was with Bianca's rebirth. But this time, you know enough to let things well enough alone, and you pull Ryan along to grab the Lunchables you came for.

_This is the way the world ends—not with a bang, but a whimper._


End file.
